Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

So it seems that today has been one of those days where I find myself acting more like the repulsive and angry Mr Hyde then the social and gregarious Dr. Jekyll.

It has not been brought on by one single thing, but it seems that everything I find myself doing or coming across or thinking brings with it an angry and frustrated feeling.

I have spent more of the day yelling and being snippy (yes that is a word as well as a description of my recent behavior) and I DON'T LIKE IT.

Furthermore I feel like I have no control over my mood or my behavior. It's like the off switch or the little voice that usually pips up and says "Hey - you are being a little ridiculous and out of control" is broken. Like the switch that controls angry outbursts isn't getting flipped on or the signal is falling short of actually reaching my brain that causes me to check my rising levels of frustration before I boil over.

I don't know if it's fair to blame it on the weather (we got DUMPED on last night with 6+ inches of heavy white wet snow and the snow blower had just been drained of gas and put up for spring so of course the sidewalks and driveway were cleared just by me and my shovel) or that I am in single mom mode as A in in NY for the week or that it's Spring Break and I really wanted to go somewhere warm and instead I am stuck with 6+inches of snow or finally can I just blame my mood on PMS or maybe the position of the moon or planets or something....anything.....just so I know it will be over soon.

All I know is that I do not like feeling like this - angry and out of control and hopefully by putting this out there I can purge myself of whatever yuckiness in blocking the sunshine and happiness from my current state of mind.