What I want . . .

or more to the point, what I don't want... in this moment I don't want to be mom anymore.
I don't want to cook, I don't want to clean up the same mess over and over again, I don't want to be the referee, I don't want to have to be the disciplinarian, rule maker or rule enforcer.

I don't want to be in charge, I don't want to break up arguments between BB1 and BB2 over the same toy or blanket, I don't want to have to say "No" for the hundredth time when BB1 asks to go out and play at her friends (where she has spent every day for the last few weeks) ... basically I don't want to me mom right now.

Big Sigh, plus a little bit of crying...at least tomorrow is another day - hopefully one in which I am better able to handle things.